Gordon's Gossip

I have been reading someones blog .....she woz making note of some top tips and hints, they is very interesting and usefuls, and mades me want to look for some to share wid ya's all. so here dey is.
Climb onto your neighbour's roof and dangle a fish on a bit of string in front of his windows. He'll think his house is underwater.
Buy a television set exactly like your neighbours. Then annoy them by standing outside their window and changing their channel using your identical remote control.
MOTORISTS. Pressing your 'fog lights' switch a second time after the fog has cleared will actually turn your fog lights off.
Cheer loudly at 8.00pm each Saturday to fool the neighbours into thinking you have won the Lottery.
Girls. Next time you feel like throwing a ball over-arm, don't, because you can't and it just looks silly. Just throw it girlie under-arm style, and no-one will laugh at you, or get hurt.
Don't buy expensive 'ribbed' condoms, just buy an ordinary one and slip a handful of frozen peas inside it before you put it on
Minor skin grafts can be performed on pigs by covering any cuts and grazes with thin strips of bacon.
Save money on expensive personalised car number plates by simply changing your name to match your existing plate. - Mr. KVL 741Y
Thicken up runny low-fat yoghurt by stirring in a spoonful of lard.
When crossing a one-way street always look in BOTH directions in case a large blue furniture removal lorry is reversing the wrong way up the road. - D. Rogers, Hemel Hempstead General Infirmary
Avoid arguments with the missus about lifting the loo seat by simply pissing in the sink.
HOUSEWIVES. I find the best way to get two bottles of washing-up liquid for the price of one is by putting one in your shopping trolley and the other in your coat pocket.
WHEN reading a book try tearing out the pages as you read them. This saves the expense of buying a bookmark, and the pages can later be used for shopping lists.
OLD telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and address of people you don't know.
you is able to read more here
That is cos I is lazy and cannot be arsed to cut and pastes any more of them, and I has a date with some peoples we woz meeting in that club, I is thinking they is kinky sods so I will be very careful, buts I is wanting to find out some things about what they woz doing.
Love Gordie xxxx

I has been with some hot tottie, but even though she woz very nice, she hads legs up to her arm pits, and smooth as mmmmmmmmmm well dey woz very smooth, but anyways we has gone our separate ways, I is thinking it woulds have been difficult cos we is both in da limelight, and so we wudz have been followed every wheres, so being a man, I deciduds that we should part. We woz on good terms, and so she is knowing she can cums stay with me if she is ever in englands.
Well to cheer me up, cos I woz a little upsets, we wents to a club in da city, it saids fetish, and I woz not sures what this is meaning, maybe I thoughts, fetish is kissing with your socks on or somethings like that, or it could be likes my matey thought shaggings a nun, even though that nun is turning out to be a penguin. Anyways we has open minds so we decides a change will do us good.
so in we goes and we is sitting downs and looking sheepish, well more llamaish.We sats down and looked round, there woz lots to see, and hear, I has never been in a club before where you is not getting arrested or thrown out for hitting someone, but it woz different here, there woz all kinds of people,men, women, big, small, long haired, short haired, old, younger, all different types of peoples positioned on different things, that looks like torture devices, they woz tied up by their hands or hads big ropes and belts and things round their bodies, fastenings them to these torture type furniture things, but not only thats whilst they is tieds up, there were other peoples slapping them about, using weapons too, like whips and floggers and stuffs, I is even seeing somes that are looking likes they is going to hang their washings out on peoples nipples. There is lots of whimpering and some screaming, buts noone is helping these peoples, and noone is gettings thrown out for being rough. Whats I noticed woz that afters they is getting the people off the furniture they is giving each other big kisses and cuddles, and loving thems up. I is not able to believe my eyes.I hads been wotching one lady, so was my mate Martin, and she is coming over to us, martin nearly chitz himself.
Hello boys she is sayying, Martin gulped and said hello, thats Hello Mistress to you, she said, staring into his eyes, yes mistress, sorry mistress he is saying, sheeeeeeeeesh wotz happened to Martin, I is thinking, she smirked, good boys she says, and clicked her fingers, I is thinking she is an hypnotist or somethings, cos she has martin under some sort of spell, as soon as she clicks her fingers his legs give way and he is on his knees. Wotz more as she touches his head, he bends right down and kisses her boots. She grins and pulls his head back, and shakes her head. tsk tsk, naughty boy, she says, I will have to teach you a lesson, she says, martin, like a twat says yes Mistress, thank you, and she leads him off, towards that a big cross like thing in da middle of the room.I watch bemused...
Love Gordie xxx