Gordon's Gossip

As you is seeing we has been having a spots of trouble with Sid, he is refusing to get on the plane, he woz cryings like a baby. There was only one things for it, I woz having to puts some sleeping tablets in his drink nd hopes he would sleep like a baby, then we could pack him into a suitcase and carry him on as hand luggage, we woz hopings he would stay asleep all the way, but if he is waking up on the flight, he would reulize there woulds be nuttin he coulds do to get away.
It was a tight squeeze stuffing him in the case with everything, i hadn't reulised how much room my condoms took up in the bag..... which also made me think there were probably as many there as when i was leaving englund.... so far I has not had a shag... I has come close but not had a shag..... there will be plenty of time for that ...... for now I has to concentrate on getting Sid onto the plane and to our next destinashun .
Love Gordie

Well I has been trying to find amusing things to make Sid less scardiecatz about flying.....I has come across this link, and was finding it funny.....CLICK HERE... make sure you click the speaker icon to listen each one.
Love Gordie xx

Hello there
We are soon to be going on a long flight, I will be letting you know where to when we arrive. It is being top secret, we has got a big problem thoughs. Sid, on of da boys, has decideds he has a big fear of flyings now, and is saying he is not going on another of those planes.I is trying to help him and make him see he has an irrational fears, i thinks what did it was the tiny little aircrafts we flew here on, I is not kidding, one of my girlfriends had a bigger vibrator than thats plane, but the plane was makings lots of noise, the pilot was sats at the other side of a curtain to us, and was shining a little torch at his instruments, it wasn't very confidence building. Anyways I is not saying it was tiny, but you could stand in the aisle and touch the windows on both sides, and I is sure they were't double glazed.I is thinking this has put sid off, and you knows when the pilot gave his welcome message he saids, welcome, we have some of the best flight attendants and pilots on this airline, sadly none of thems are flying with us today, he wasn't very happy about thats, and what made it worse, was when we woz comings down to land, the pilot is on the intercom and saying Whoaaaaaaaaaaa big boy, whoooooaaaaaaaaaa!!! Sid was green, he was not a pretty sights.
So you can see it is going to be hard work getting hims to fly, but I is sure I can gets round it, cos we is going on somewhere speshul.

Love Gordie xxx

You are not European.


What's your Inner European?
brought to you by Quizilla

I has not been writing for a couple of days cos I has been spending sometimes with this chick I mets in a disco, her name is Tracey, and she is apparanty well knowns where she lives, in Essex. She says she has a reputation seconds to none.Anyways, we have dones lots of talking, well she has been talking, she doesnt really stop to take a breath, I has just been listening and buyings the drinks. She has been telling me lots of stories, and explaining how she is often very misunderstoods, here are some of the things she has been telling me.
She is telling me she was driving a BMW when it is breaking down, she gets it to a garage.She tells
the mechanic it died. After he worked on it for a few minutes, it is
idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap
in the carburettor" She asks, "How often do I have to do that?" She was upset that he had laughed at her, and said guys just don't explain themselves, and are quick to change their minds. Like the time A police officer stops her for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her licence. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away
my licence and then today you expect me to show it to you!".


she does admit however that some womens are not very bright, like the day she was walking down by the river.She comes to a river and sees
another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I
get to the other side?" The second blonde looks up the river then down
the river and shouts, "You ARE on the other side." I means how silly can they be.
And then sometimes she just believes noone else makes any sense at all, she was once playing trivial pursuits, was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her
turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her
question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can
you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or
off?"
we has spent much time chatting, at firsts I did try to explain things to her, but she is really not listening and was onto the next story before I could even say Gordon bennet, which is not my name by the way.
I is not sure if I will be hooking up wid her when I gets back to england, I will keep my options open, maybe I will find some totty on my travels.
Talking of which da boys and me are trying to works out where to go next. Soon we is heading for the land down under, but is probably stopping off elsewhere on the way.

Love Gordie xxx

I used to be thinking these chappies standing outside Buckingham Palace, the one where the bristish queen sometimes has sunday tea, cucumber sarnies, egg and cress, salad cream, and a tin of fruit salad, topped with tip top or carnation, fighting with Phil over who gets the half a grape or half a cherry, the prized catch of a tin of fruit salad. Well anyways, yes that palace not where Posh and becks used to be living. Well like I is saying I used to thinks they looked kinda silly, stood standing there with thems silly big hat things on, whats the point? must really gives em neck ache, but I is thinking thats is gonna take their minds off their sore feet stoods standing there for all thats time.
Well I used to be thinking they is looking silly, that was until, I saws something in Greece. it was before we woz getting arrested and havings to move to this place.
Have a gander at this.

What is the flipping points of that, I is not meaning cos he looks like he has a frock on, but this ...... what the frig is this all about.

POM POMS!!!!! hehehe next they is going to be giving thems tartan slippers with zips up the front.POM POMS and wot is da point of thems??
Can you imagines people thinkings fek lets not rob that place look at hims with his scarey pom poms. or do you thinks they are like james Bond weapons and have deadly darts insides them or summin? who knows.
Love Gordie xxx

I woz sat in a little coffee shop talking to this old guy, from somewhere in englund, he woz making me laugh. Listen sonny he is saying, you knows the secret to staying young at heart is to keep your mind active and have fun.
He says he refuses to get old gracefully, and at times he is a disgrace.
he is tellings me stories of some of da things he is getting upto backs home.here is one
" I went to the store the other day. I was only in there for about 5
minutes.
When I came out there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.
I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a senior a break?" He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.
I called him a Nazi.
He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires.
So I called him a piece of horse shit. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.
Then he started writing a third ticket
This went on for about 20 minutes.. the more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote
I didn't give a crap.
My car was parked around the corner.
I have a little fun each day. It's important at my age."


Live for the day
love Gordie xxx

DENIAL is not just da name of a river in Egypt
and PC doesn't always mean personal computer

As usuals I has been sitting ina bar, and oftens I is not able to understands what many people are sayings cos I does not speak the lingo, well this times I was sat by some people who weres talkings in english. One of da guys was tryings to complain about his girlfriend, who I has a sneaking suspishun thats they had just had a row.Wells, it wasn't really going to plan, cos his mate, instead of agreeing wivs him and bitching along, was correcting everyting he is saying. He looked like one of those studenty, pseudointellechual types, who talks a lots and doesn't says anything.You knows the sort who is using big words so it soundings like they is clever, but atchurly they is nots saying anything... well not saying anything thats meaningful.
Their conversation woz likes a lesson in political correctness{spit}
Somethings I has been accused of in da past..... being politically correct or too politically correct... this I finds offensive, I is not liking PCness, and I has noticed that those who has been accusing me ofs being too PC are those who I has challenged for being racist for example. They appears to think that me commenting on their choice of insults is a question of being PC, when infacts I don'ts give a toss about PCness at all, I is more interested and concerned with the attitude and intent behind what is saids. So listenings to the conversation belows made me thinks about political correctness and alls that crap, and the way that somes people hide behind being PC to cover up their ignorance and prejudice.
Anyways, serious bit over for nows, here is the conversation I has over heard.
These are da responses of the PC student type to his muckers bitching about his girly.
She is not a BAD COOK - She is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE.
She does not wear TOO MUCH JEWELRY - She is METALLICALLY OVERBURDENED.
She is not CONCEITED - She is INTIMATELY AWARE OF HER BEST QUALITIES.
She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER - She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.
She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.
She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
She is not TOO SKINNY - She is SKELETALLY PROMINENT.
She does not HATE TELEVISED SPORTS - She is ATHLETICALLY IGNORANT.
She does not HAVE A MUSTACHE - She is IN TOUCH WITH HER MASCULINE SIDE.
She does not WEAR TOO MUCH PERFUME - She commits FRAGRANCE ABUSE.
She is not an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.
She does not WEAR TOO MUCH MAKEUP - She has reached COSMETIC SATURATION.
She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.

love Gordie xxx

I is back now, we had some issues to sort outs wid da otel, they woz telling us they has a swimming pool, when we is booking the Otel. Buts we has founds out that they has been bulshittin us, you is not able to call dis a swimming pool.

so anyways we gets into a big argument wid da manager of da otel, and he is sayings his pet turtles has been swimmings in da pool, so it musts be a swimming pool. Well to cuts a long story short, he is getting very irrate when I is asking for a reduced price, and he is calling the chef out. Da chef starts throwings all plates and tings at us, and we is nearly getting hurts, anyways, the manager is then calling the poleeeece, who comes quickly, sees da mess, and thinkings it is us who has trashed the joint. So they is putting us in handcuffs and taking us to the cells. All of us is sharing a cell with some other dubious looking criminals, so we has been taking it in turns to watch your backs.... and things.
Well our solicitor, managed to gets us out of there with only a caution, and so we is back out on our vacashun.
Of course we is not staying in the same place, we has moved to Faliraki on Rhodes now, and is all sets to have a good time to detraumatise ourselves.
Love Gordie xxx