Saturday, February 28, 2004
# posted by gilly : 12:37 AM
Thursday, February 26, 2004
We woz in a bar, again, last nights, and I woz chattings to a delicious group of da girls. They is on holiday from essex, and I is noticing that they has all gots blonde hair. Well some of da boys were gettings close to some of the girls and rumpy pumpy seemed on the tables, well I don'ts mean they were going to be shaggings in the bar on the tables, I is meaning it looked like it would be happenings sometime soon.
Well, whilst they is getting all hots and bothereds I is chatting to one of the girlies, she is cute, in her own way, I particularly liked her naievity(cant spell that) although I think she was a bit intellectually challenged really, she dids talk a lot, and tolds me lots and lots of stories. Somes of them mades me laugh, well acturrrrrrrrly they is all making me laughs, but many were tinged withs a bit of sadness.
She woz tellings me that she works in an office for a big company back in essex, alongsides a red head and a brunette. She saids that they started to notice that their boss is startings to go home early each day, and so the girls decides to have a meeting. At this meeting they decide that if the boss can go homes early they should be able to leave early too.What harms would it do. So the nexts day, in the afternoon, their boss, smiles and says bye, and leaves early. After five minutes the girls reapply their lippie and tidy their hair, and is leaving too.
The red head went home and gots dinner ready early for her boyfriend and kids coming home, and the brunette, being homes early decideds she would use the time to catch up on some sleep, so she coulds be fully refreshed for works the next day.
My friend , the blonde, is getting home early, and going upstairs to the bedroom to get changed, she opened the door slowly , and saws her boyfriend in bed with her boss. Her heart racing she is shutting the bedroom door quietly without being heard, and sneaking back out of the house.
Next day at work the red head and the brunette were chattings and asked the blonde, my friend, if she is wanting to go home early again today.
Oh my goodness, NO! she exclaimed, I nearly got caught yesterday.
We chatted for quites a bit, then I is escorting her back to her appartment and saying night to her.
Love Gordie xxx
# posted by gilly : 8:14 AM
Monday, February 23, 2004
Well my word is Greece the country of free love or something?
I was out with da boys lasts night, and we woz drinking and stuffs, havings a chat , eating da kebabs and salted nuts and things, did a bit of zorba like dancing and all dat jazz.
Anyways after a few rounds of plate smashing, we wents onto a club, and Malcolm is getting off with dis girl, she has legs up to her arm pits. Long silky hair, sheeesh she was stunning, before she hads been coming onto Malcolm, she hads been dancing ups close to a girl, another stunner. It turns out she is one of those biological girls, you knows that swings both ways, bi girls for short. Phwooooooooooooaaaaaarrrrrrr she was yummy.
Anyways Malcolm is going back to her room for a bit of somethings, and I is thinking it wasn't kebab. Well todays he is telling me alls about it, he said they did some bump and grinds and some horizontal dancings and then they is getting down to the business, he is saying she has the cleanest bits he has ever seen, he was so impressed with her personal feminine hygene that he is telling her she has the cleanest one he has ever seen. ... to which she replies, thank you Malcolm , thats because I have a woman in twice a week.
Love Gordie xxx
# posted by gilly : 2:10 PM
Saturday, February 21, 2004
It is taking us nearly three and halfs hours to gets from the airport to the otel kebab, and we has been told it was only five minutes aways from anywhere. This is one of those things I is thinking where da taxi driver is thinking he is onto a good deals, and knows we is tourists and cans make some moneys from us by taking us the long ways round. We woz lates checkings in and founds that our rooms hads nearly bins givens to someones else. Well we woz not happy, me and da boys. I is getting a bit irritable and is explaining and complainins to the guy on da desk abouts the taxi trips.
He is assurings me that the taxi driver woz not tryings to pull a fast one, he is explaining to me "Unfortunately, there are in Athens many streets with the same name, especially such ones of famous personalities or localities like "Aristotle" or "Socrates" etc. even 20, 30 or more! For this reason it is nonsense to ask to the taxi driver e.g. for "Aristotelous Str." without telling him in which region of Athens you want to go. Frankly speaking don´t trust very much in their knowledge of the street names. The second problem is that there is different names for the same street! The main street "Penepistimiou" is registered in some maps and guides as " Eleftheriou Venizelou". Nevertheless, not many athenians could tell you where it is! Also the street in parallel "Akadimias " is sometimes registered as "Tsortsil" or even the "PPatission" as "28th October".
Its all greek to me
I is waking up when I sense he has finished tellings me this nonsense, and gets our keys and we all heads up to our rooms for a shower and a nap.
Love Gordie xxx
# posted by gilly : 2:21 PM
Thursday, February 19, 2004
MEET MY MATE
WOODY HUMP
given half a chance he would
LIFE IS LIKE A BOX OF CHOCOLATES YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WILL GET. Shiny hair. Upright humps. Sharp outfits. And definitely no swimsuit competition.
If you're in the market for a beautiful camel, those are apparently the things you might want to consider. And in northern China, they're doing just that -- holding a dromedary beauty contest as part of what is billed as "the first international camel festival."
The beauty competition in the Inner Mongolia region attracted nearly 100 dressed-up camels "as well as more than 2,000 fans," the official Xinhua News Agency said Saturday. It didn't specify who the "fans" were or where they came from.
The judges, mostly experienced camel herders, described the criteria for victory to Xinhua: The camels, they said, "should have good appearance -- shiny hair and upright humps -- and should be good dressers wearing beautiful halters and saddles in a proper way."
The contest was held in a community called Alxa League, known as the "camel hometown." It has one-third of China's camels and is the main habitat for the double-humped Bactrian camel, Xinhua said. The two-humped Bactrian is indigenous to Mongolia and was domesticated some 3,000 years ago.
Dry weather in recent years has hurt the area's environment, though, and Xinhua said the number of camels has dropped to 68,000 from 250,000 in the 1980s.
Festival sponsors said they wanted the camel beauty competition to generate more attention for the beasts.
"We hope the government can set up a natural reserve and a genetic database for Bactrian camels to keep a stable population of the species while promoting the development of camel product enterprises," said an Alxa League official, quoted by Xinhua.
My mate Woody Hump, the fountain of knowlede, and insight, guru to many, pain in the ass to some. You read it here first, but , its actually all true you can read about it here
# posted by gilly : 12:44 AM
Wednesday, February 18, 2004
Why is its dat everyones is thinkings I has loadsa moneys and is wanting some ofs it. I has letters from everyones wanting some piece of my fortune, which isnots very bigs, before you starts thinkings you might want to have somes of it. Cans a camel not be going on holidays wizout having vulchures afters my money.
Ihas got a little letter today which has upsets me a little bit.It is from dis girl who says she had some sexing with me some times ago, she is saying I told hers I loved her, now I is thinking this is untrue cos I is not often telling those I shags that I love thems, I is not even knowing lots of their names, buts don't get me wrongs I do wears a condom, you know I is not doing it naked, you never knows what you is sleeping withs do you. But anyways this letter I has gots was saying I had respunsibilities and thats I had to face ups to them, insteads of galavanting round the world shagging every piece of skirts I see, I should be backs in england providing for whats mine. I hads no clue what she is talking about but, she has been enclosing a pitchure.
She is saying that dis is my childs, that she is going to take me to court for childs supports, but nots to get her wrong, she is not wantings to have any contact wid me as such, she is just wantings a cheque every two weeks, she does not wants me to visits the child, or anythings like that. She is sayings we can settle outs of court. I is thinking the child is lookings nothing like me, I thinks I will just takes my chances when I gets back to england and do some dna tests if needs be.
I dunno its all greek to me.
Love Gordie xxx
# posted by gilly : 2:37 PM
Tuesday, February 17, 2004
Well it has been our lasts day in italeee, we has pizzad out, and has got pasta comings out of our humps, we never dids meet up with the guy who is telling us we should go visit da italee, but we has seen some of da sights, and mens in frocks.
We woz just gettings ready for da airports when some sightseers spots us and wants some pitchurs takings to show the folks back homes.Stan and myself obligeds dem, but they is looking a bit unruly to me, bit rough, buts anyways, you has to do your bit don'ts you.
We is going to greece, now, I is not knowing where abouts at da moments , but I is looking forwards to a mega kebab with extra chili and lemon. I has heard they is not doing washings up in greece, i is thinking they justs throws all their plates and things aways after dinner. See you in greece.
Love Gordie xxxx
# posted by gilly : 12:44 PM
Monday, February 16, 2004
Well I has been thinking about somethings, you knows I likes to do people watching, well haves you ever noticed da camel toe .... I is not meaning like this, lemmie roll my trousers up and takes off one ovs my shoes and socks
You can see what my camel toe is looking like but I is not meaning that sorts of camel toe, you must knows what I mean, It happens whens women wear those labia leggings, the ones that shows all their girly contours, buts it is not onlys lycra leggings dat is doing it, other tight or clinging clothes cans be creating this illusion, its a bit like a wedgie I is guessing but not ups yer crack.
Likes in this picture, if you is still nots clear you can go to this web site and finds out all about it.I is thinking though, if this fashun statement is really very safes or comfortable, I is meaning it cannots feel very cumfy havings a seem running up yers tender crack if you is a woman, likes a knife in the honey pots.It does makes people look though. But anyways I is now knowing, that there is somethings you can buy, ifs you wants to look desirable sporting a camel toe look, buts at the same time, wants your labia to remain damage free and unrestrained, there is nows a product on da market whichin you cans buy.
I is not knowing if you is able to tell which is au naturel or fakes camel toe, but I wills be looking closer and might even ask some of the womens that enjoy their camel toe look and finds out how they achieve it.
Love Gordie
# posted by gilly : 1:15 PM
Sunday, February 15, 2004
Well it has beens da valentines day yesterdays, day when romance is the dish of the day, wid a bigs plate of lasagna or somes other sorts of pasta, or evens a pizzas, xos you knows you cans not live by love alone, you has to have some waters and some foods, and some sleeps, and somewheres to sleep, and revenge, ifs you have somethings to be vengeful abouts, so you is seeing you has to have lots of things to lives.
Thelasts few days I has been a bit stressing abouts zis email about the endangered camels, I is not knowings whats to do abouts it, so me and da boys decideds we woulds go and check out that valentines disco in venice. Its was wicked man, I was getting lots of snogs and dancing with some cute cookies. We has been having some funs in venice, it is very wets though, and a bits smelly, but you know you really has to look at this pageIt is marvellous. Well I wills write some more, probably tomorrow, I is a little busy at the moment, if you knows what I is saying.
Love Gordie xxx
# posted by gilly : 10:48 PM
Thursday, February 12, 2004
I has been searching the internet and doings some research about these cussins in da arctic, cos I is thinking maybe it is a scam, cos I stills cannot works out how a camel and a penguin do da humping. So thats makes me thinks it is not true, and besides we is all knowing camels likes da sun, we luvva da hots weather, theres nothing likes having your skimpy bathers on and a pair of shades, I has never seen a camels wearing a wooly hats or scarf,we likea da hots weather man,but anyways I am nots so sures now, cos I has found these pitchurs and it is definitelys showing some camels and somes snow, and ifs you looks carefullies then it looks like an expedishun on ones of the pitchurs.
I has a friend who works at The
Wool Lice project,which is a Benefit Agency For Distressed Llamas, I is gonna get in touch wid da main man and see ifs he can sheds any light on this for me.
We is going to go to venice laters today or tomorrow, cos we has heards it is luverly, although we hears it smells a bit minging.
Love Gordie xxx
# posted by gilly : 8:16 AM
Wednesday, February 11, 2004
I is telling you man, the world is a strange place, peoples are writing me emails left, right and center, and I is not knowing if it is real or nots. I hads one this mornings, which I will show you in a minute, I thinks it mights be real cos I has seen these pictures in englands before we left on vacashuns.
Dear Gordon.
I am writing to you on behalf of the A.C.C.G. We are a group dedicated to the consevation of the Arctic camel. Our aim is to rescue from extintion this little known and endangered creature.
I know what you are thinking, There are no camels in the Arctic. Not true. The Arctic camel is living proof of Darwinian evolution. First taken to the Arctic in the year 796 by the great viking explorer Ulfkel The Restless. They were used to drag his boats across the ice in hope of finding new lands to the north.
Ulfkel, realising his mistake in taking camels to the Arctic, released them . Since that time they have evolved into the Arctic Camel we know today.
We at the A.C.C.G have been tracking what may be turn out to be the last group of this shy and elusive creature, and it is with great alarm that we have noticed the gene pool of the Arctic Camel is being contaminated by cross breeding with Rostov's Penguin. The result of this can be seen in the photograph we have provided.
Please will you help us save these beautiful creatures. If can help please send a large donation to:
A. Conman
C/o A.C.C.G
1 the Mansion
Clifftop View
Costa Del Sol.
On behalf of the A.C.C.G I thank you in anticipation of your generous donation
Yours Faithfully
A. Conman.
Founder of the Arctic Camel Conservation Group
I has been wondering thoughs, is the camel or da penguin going on top when dey is shaggins, maybe I is to ask Tony, after his experience with the
midget nun in austria that we has later founds out is not a midget nun at all...hehehe
Love Gordie xxx
# posted by gilly : 10:57 AM
Tuesday, February 10, 2004
I has been doing some people watching, it is one ofs my favourite games, I is looking at people and thinkings things about thems, sometimes I is making up little stories, especially ifs they is in a group, I likes to make up stories in my head abouts how they all relates to each other. People watching is a good time filler and it is cheap, infact it costs nuttin. Well in my time I has watched allsorts of people, young, olds, fat, thin, trendy, mingers and munters, pretty girls and boys, shy, retiring, eccentric, outgoing, and ridiculous.
Now donts be getting me wrong, I is open minded, and I has the view that iffin everyone is happy and noones is getting hurt then live and let live, you see someone said sexuality is as wide as the ocean and your morality is not law. Well I is thinking the same,we shoulds all try nots to judge,and live and let live, just cos someones ideas, and views are different from ours it doesn't necessarily mean they are less valid or wrong.... unless of course someones is getting hurt. Then they needs stamping on... but I is sure that everyone, no matters how open minded and accepting they is, has seen someone and had a bit of a laugh inside, or even justs a smirk.
I is no excepshun, see I has seen all sorts in my time, and nothing much shocks me, buts there as somes people who do needs a little help, they may be happy with themselves, buts I is thinking they could be a lots happier iffin they had some dress sense, well iffin it was more acceptable for them to go places and gets things that would look more attractive, without thems feeling self conscious, I is thinking this is probably one of the reasons why some of the cross dressers is wearing things that don't do justice, things that attract the eye to the bad fashun sense , and lack of style, and so I is thinking a lot ofs people would be makings fun of a woman wearings some of the ccombinations they is wearing, let alone a mans wearing them. I has seen some really classy birds, well, not real birds, but you knows what I means, but some, come on 'girls' get a grip and wear summin half decent.
Love Gordie
# posted by gilly : 11:19 AM
Monday, February 09, 2004
Dear Brucie
My mammy has been emailing me a picture that she has been finding in her drawer. She has a speshul drawer that has all da family stuffs in it, things likes my school reports and stuffs, and visiting passes for whens my brother was in the jail, we donts talk abouts that though. Well any ways, my mammy has finds this picture.
She is sayings it is one of our relutifs in Egypt, she is telling me this was takens a long longs time ago, and she says his name woz Abdhul, it is one of her cousins, she has not seens him for ages, and likes she tolds me before she hads hurd he had gones away. He is looking a bit like a ladies man, and scrubs up nice, he is looking very different to his works picture, if it is da same one.
let me knows what you thinks Bruce
Love Gordie xxx
# posted by gilly : 3:35 PM
Friday, February 06, 2004
Well we has been looking round Rome doing the tourist thing, taking pictures and stuffs, we has been in bars and looked at culchurel stuffs and taken pitchurs of da locals, we has taken a pitchur of a couples of likely lads, I is thinking they was upto no good, well really they woz looking a bit drunks, and I is thinking the one without the hat was tryings to find the other guys money in his pocket, it looked likes they were on a stag so cos they has got fancy dress on, and they was not really liking having their pitchur taken. They woz a right laugh, I is not sure what they was trying to go to see, we decided not to go and investigates cos we felt under dressed.
Anyways when they is seeing us taking their pitchur they gets a bit shirty and starts shouting at us, so we gets a move on and goes to find a normal bar.Cos I is not knowing how you feels about it, but I thinks theres something a bit unsettlings about guys dressings up in funny clothes, I has seen some guys dressed up in frocks before, and somes of them are very pretty, and you woulds not knows some of thems were guys, but somes of those cross dressers, well they is not having much dress sense, I is sure they is not thinking women woulds really wear some of the clothes they is wearing, well only grandmas wear somes of the things they is choosing.
I hasn't got time rights now but maybe over the nexts few days I wills show you some of the examples, and you cans see what I is meaning.
But , just remembers I has nothing against mens in dressers, justs I has a thing about naff dress sense.
Love Gordie xxx
# posted by gilly : 12:43 PM
Wednesday, February 04, 2004
Hello my maties, well I has recieved anothers one of those email things, which I is going to shares with you. It is causing me somes concern.here it is
Helo again Sirs.
I rite you nice letter please yes, as I say. Still my English not good with only read riting not rite reading yes sorry.
My nam is Bruce yes. I em riting fror aged father who name Abdul. He hane live in Australia long time, many year in nice town Woop Woop very good place yes but born Egypt. Long time taken from beloved mother when very very little true. Sent strange land told no family no one loves. Abdul very sad, my father. Have to work very hard for bad people no good.
He's live Australia all alone, till marriage my mother yes. they have many kids.
But now old and sick like drovers dog. He see you picture, think you his family see greatl like ness say you his family yes maybe he think.
Please help aged father find family if you his family.
Yes thank you.
Bruce
Dear Brucie, Iis not sure what I is thinking abouts this letter, you sees I is not heartless, buts in my sitashun I has to be very carefuls. I is a well to do camel, and has a comfatuble life, infacts some woulds say I has done good. Well you see this comes with its downfalls, I has always got totty trying to get into my bed and make a packet froms me, I is also having lots of begging letters froms those wanting money, sayings they need a hump transplants and things like that. So you sees, I has to check this out.
If you is my family, then you is not having to worries, me and the main boys will do whats we can to be helping.
I has phoned my mammy and has aksed her if she has a cousin or uncles or somethings called Abdul, I has never heards that name when she has tolds me about the good old days.
When I is telling me mammy I has heard from someone called Bruce about his daddy Abdul, she is saying Gordons you is shittin me. No Mammy I tells her it is true. Well, she is doing a little tear thing, and tells me that she has a relutive calleds Abdul, who has been missing for many years, she is thinking he is dead.
I is not knowing if it is the same Abdul, my mammy coulds not talk for very long cos she was getting ready to go to Mecca Bingo.
She is sending me a picture though of Abdul, when he was younger,Please be looking and see if you is recognising it.
Lookings forwards to hearing froms you soon.
Loves Gordie xxx
# posted by gilly : 10:35 AM
Tuesday, February 03, 2004
I was sittings in a bar again, and I gots chatting to this young wmans, she was from Englands too, she is telling me she comes to Rome quites a bit, I is thinking she must like italian stallion or somethings. Anyways she is talking for england, she never shuts up.She was tellings me about the first time she is coming to Rome. She saids she was very excited and made a big deal about it, she bought new clothes, and went and had her hair done, sh e hads just broken up with her boyfriend so was thinkings she might pull some Italian stallion, anyways she is in the hairdressers and havings her hair done, and the hairdresser is a bit of a bitch, she is askings all those questions like are you going away this year, the womans was very excited at the chance to talks about her holiday and beamed yes, I am going to rome.The hairdresser is saying Rome? what you frikken want to goes there for, its stinky and busy and full of Italians.You musts be stupid to goes to rome, how are you getting there? So the womans is telling her they are flyings continental airways. OMG no way says the hairdresser, you will be lucky to get there in one of those, my hairdryer is more powerful than one of those.Their stewards are mingers and they are always late.So what you going to do there says the hairdresser. Well we are going to sight see, and even going to see the pope. naff, says the hairdresser, theres nothing to see, and the pope, well it will be you and a million other people, he will look the size of an ant. Enjoy your trip.
The woman carried on with her story, she said after she arrived back home she went back to the hairdressers.Who asked about her trip to Rome. It was wonderful said the woman, not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge. The hairdresser mumbled, well I bet you didnt get to see the pope though. The woman continued, smiling Actually, I was quite lucky, because as I toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me.Hmmmmm grumbled the hairdresser, not amused, and what did he say to you then.
He said "Where did you get that shitty hairdo"
laugh? I nearly choked on my lasagna
Love Gordie xx
# posted by gilly : 4:33 PM
Monday, February 02, 2004
We is now in rome for a bit of pope spotting. So anyways I was in the otel last night and was checking my emails on da internet. I has been inundated wid mails, but I is still waiting for a nice lette froms Bruce.
Well I has this email, that I think it is worth answering here, cos I is thinking it may be a predicament many of you finds yourself in.
Dear Gordon
Please can you give me some advice, I love my girlfriend dearly, but she does not seem to fancy me any more, and we have not had sex for almost a year.
Yours desparately, Matthew.
Dear Matthew
You has not had sex for a year?? You must haves very strong wrists by nows, or has you been getting its elsewhere?You has to look at the evidence to work out why your girlfriend is not fancying you anymore. First is it that other people shout ugly at you when you is going past them, do teenagers make funs of you, and do small children recoil from you and cry as they pass you in the street, do you find noone sits by you on the bus, if the answer to any of these is yes, then it is not your girlfriend Matthew, it is becozyou is a minger.
Secondly has you noticed your girlfriend has stopped stealing your razor to shave her legs, and so your face is not gettings cut up as much, has she started wearing dungarees and checked shirts. Have you noticed her body hair is longer? Has she started to read GQ or FHM, and is she splashing your aftershave on her throat? If da answer to any of these is yes, then you has no chance your girlfriend is a geezer bird.
Good luck Matthew, I is hoping this has helped.
Love Gordie xx
# posted by gilly : 11:02 AM
