Saturday, January 31, 2004
We is seeing this sign and getting well turned on, it must be a new thing, likes you know a strip club and pizza joint, maybes the waitresses are being topless.We is all singing gets ur tits out fer tha boys. Well we is singing it tils we see a police man who looks a bit mean, so we shuts up and goes inside.
Iis looking round for the titties and boobies, buts cant see anys, so I is calling someones over and saying ok, I want da jugs please. Certainly sir I is told and off he scurries, only to comes back with two big jugs of water. I is not impressed. But the pizza was nice.
Love Gordie xxx
# posted by gilly : 5:20 PM
Friday, January 30, 2004
Well we is all rested but mans we is hungry, and on da hunts for that pizza place where there is being a big tower of pizza. I is always reading abouts it. I is gonna have extra olives, mushrooms, cheese, sweetcorn, and I might even be having some garlic breads, I is so hungry. Well, we gets into the place where we has been told the cafe thingy is, and we is looking all round but, we is seeing no dominoes or papajohns, alls we can see is this big, I mean humungous buildin, like a tower kinda thing, I is thinking it might not be finished or somethings cos it is leaning to the side a bits, or maybe there has been an earthquake, I is not knowing, but I bets whoever is living there has fun at bath time, you can't fill a bath properly if you has a wonky floor, the watter just isnt sitting properly. And sheesh hows do you stopp your eggs rolling off the sides.... I means the worktops, not the sides of the bath, I is not knowing why anyone woulds take an egg in da bath.
Well we is seeing lots of people taking pitchurs of this tower thing so I is thinking it must be something speshul.
Well I has been wondering why it is wonky, and why they is not taking it down when they reulized it wasnt straight, or even why they is not picking up the corner and shovelling some more dirty and concrete under it to level it off. I is thinking it would be more of a spectacular thing if it had been done properly.
I remembers then an articul I has read in a newspaper, I is thinking it was last April I reads it, and now I is remembering why it is a bit wonky.
She must haves been eating some pizzas, cos she looks like she likes her food, so where is da pizza hut, we boys are hungry.
Can you see on dat newspaper article, dat womans is enormous, she is miles bigger den da tower thingy, it looks like she is going to swallows that up too. We will be back later when we has found some food to eat.
Love Gordie xxx
# posted by gilly : 2:49 PM
Thursday, January 29, 2004
Gordon Bennett
This is gonna be a short entry, we is not in the best of moods, how fekkin long has it taken us to get to Italy. Too long dats what I is thinking. We has had a nightmare journey from da otel where we woz stayings.
We is packing all our things den waiting outside for a taxi, and it is raining, I is not joking about 20 million taxis passed us, it wasn't like they is ignoring us, they woz not paying attenshum, they is picking their noses or doing their hair, or is talking to da peeps in da backs of their cars. Well eventually we is getting a taxi, I is going to aks him what time he finishes, be soshabul like, buts I is not too happy, and I is glad I didnt befriend him, he is being crap, he is driving so slow, and I is saying we is going to be late, but he takes us on a frikken tour of the city, I is sure he is taking the long way round.
well eventchuarly we is arriving at the airport, and rushing cos it is departchur times already nearly, we is almost missing check in, and dis big womans, with bigs muscles, I is thinking she is from hollands cos I is thinking she is a dyke, or she may just be a big lass, buts anyways, she is hurrying us along, pushing and rushings us.We is humping bags onto conveyor belts and being dragged through the alarm thingies, sheeesh, this is like an assault course. HURRY HURRY they is shouting, so we hurries, and gets to the gates, and wots it sayings on there. DELAYED. So she is shouting hurry up so we cans wait a bit longer, thats is not very nice I is thinkings.
And we is near the knob head who is complaining,about how long the queue is, I is thinkings does it really matter cos the chuffin plane isnt here anyways.
So we is never really findings out why the plane is delayed, we is just knowing now that it is being delayed til the nexts day. so yes you guessed, a night in the airport with knob head.
We is having a rest and freshening up in Da otel Pasta, and then we wills be looking for da pizzas and totties.
Love Gordiexxx
# posted by gilly : 10:54 PM
Wednesday, January 28, 2004
WELCOME TO ITALY
Benvenuto in Italia
# posted by gilly : 5:40 PM
It is being very interesting so far in Austria, Tony, still hasn't got over his shock and has spent most of the time hiding, he is thinking interpol are after him.
Last night me and da boys went for a drink in a bar in town.
It is being in that bar that I is meeting a man, who is chatting to me, and not really very happy. He was telling me how he has not had such a good time on his vacashun.
"Ima gonna to a bigga hotel.Ina morning I go to eat brekfast. I tella waitress I wanna two pissis toast. She brings me only one piss. I tella her I want two piss. She says go to the toilet. I say you no understand. I wanna two piss onna my plate. She say you better not not piss on plate you sonna ma bitch. Later I go to eat at the bigga restaurant. The waitress brings me a spoon and knife but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock. She tell me everyone does. I tella her you no understand, I wanna fock on the table. She say better not fock on table, you sonna ma bitch. I don't even know the lady and she call me a sonna ma bitch. So I go to my room inna hotel, and there is no sheit. I call the manager and tella him I wanna a sheit. He tella me go to the toilet. I say you no understand, I wanna sheit on my bed. He say you better not shit on bed you sonna ma bitch. I don't even know the man and he call me a sonna ma bitch. I go to the checkout and the man at the desk say: ''Peace unto you'' I say ''Piss unto you too ya, sonna ma bitch. I gonna back to Italy''
He is giving me his address and telling me we woulds have a mad time in Italy, eating da pizzas, I is even hearing that they have made a big tower outta da pizzas.
So I is thinking that very soons we will be packing our cases and setting of to Italy :)
# posted by gilly : 10:55 AM
Tuesday, January 27, 2004
Well it is being a very busy day today, we has been allover Strazburg, it has been a bit emoshunal too for one of da main men.
I is telling you before dat Tony has been to Austria before and he has had relashuns with some totty here, and he is keen to find her again.He is been telling me dat she was no ordinary girl, and that their romance was filled with alsorts of problems, but she was likes no other bit of skirt he has been shaggin before. It was a fraught time, she was having to get back to her accumadashun quickly and often lefts him hanging, but from what Tony is telling me they hads a rampant time, her english was poor he is saying but her oral skills were second to none.I is telling him I is not needing to know the ins and outs of that, buts that I will help him to find her.All he is knowing is that her name might be Penny.
We sets off first to a catholic church, and is sitting through an entire mass in latin, I has no clue what it is about but the frocks dat they is wearing are nice. Anyways after the service, Tony is going to the priest and he is asking him, if there is any nuns that is working at the church, the priest is saying yes my sons, there is, Tony's face is lighting up, is there a midget nun that is working here he is asking. The priest looks, alas no my sons we have no nuns who are vertically challenged.
Tony's face dropped, well his smile did, his face didnt drop off. The priest rested his hand on Tonys shoulder, my son, there is a convent nearby, just past the helbrunnThe Sisters there may be able to help you.
Tony is dragging me off quickly to the convent, We is ringing the bell and waiting.
Eventually some of the nuns come to the gates and lets us in, I is thinking thats I hopes Tony hasnt shagged one of these ones, they is not very trendy and none of dem are good looking.The mother superior asked if she could help us. I is thinking eww not on your life my love, I is not a pervert. Tony is getting anxious, yes Miss, he is saying I is looking for someone, can you tell me is there a midget nun lives here in the convent. she shakes her head, Tony rants on, well has there ever been a midget nun living here, for even a short bit of time, she might have only been here for a few days. The Nun shook her head. Well tell me Mother Superior, are there any midget nuns anywhere in salzburg,?She shook her head again.The other nuns is talking, huddled together.
Mother Superior, Tony went on are there any midget nuns anywhere in Austria, you has got to tell me, is there just one midget nun in the whole of Austria? The Mother Superior looked at Tony, no my child there are no vertically challenged nuns in Austria, she turned to look at the Sisters, who were by now laughing helplessly.Then it dawned on me ......."OMG TONY YOU HAS NOT BEEN SHAGGING A NUN HAS YOU?" "No My Dear Child"said Mother Superior," He has been shagging a penguin."
I is laughing my hump off too, and Tony is not impressed.
Mother Superior is telling me then that there was wide news coverage after Tony's last vacashun, the police was on the look out for whoever had traumatised one of their rare penguin breeds. It had been caught on cctv
Tony is gutted, and has sworn me to secrecy I is not allowed to tell anyone, I is not able to explain why it is dat Tony is now walking round Austria like dis.
I is thinking we may not be in Austria for very long, before we is moving off on da next leg of our journey.
Love Gordie xxx
# posted by gilly : 1:54 PM
Monday, January 26, 2004
THE HILLS ARE ALIVE WITH THE SOUND OF MUSIIIIIIIIIIIIIC
Well we is now in Austria, land of the sound of music, and men not wearing tights but wearing some kinky kind of leather pants, this is the place to be if you is wanting to be a nanny for lots of children, or if you is keen on running up and down hills singing songs, and playing guitars.
As you is seeing in this picture I has got myself some of thems lederhosen things, and I is thinking I look quite fetching. here I is having my picture taken with one of da local potato farmers, as you can be seeing this lifestyle is very good for da complexion and helps you to stay looking youngs.You wouldn't believe me if I is to tell you dat da farmer is 74 years old.
We is staying in the otel Eidelweiss and it is lovely, we is getting woken up in da morning by some bird wid pigtails called Heidi, she yodels... well I is thinking it is a wake up call, but I is sure I dids hear her shoutings faster and harder and then did some yodelling before screaming now!!!!!I was a little confused too why she is doing da yodelling from inside someones room too. I is thinking it is to do with da acoustics.
The owner of da otel is not Austrian and so he is talking in a strange accent, I is thinking he is from Sweden maybe.He is very nice I is thinking, when we arrived he is saying"guud murneeng beooteeffool peuple-a und velcume-a tu zee hutel ieedelveiss, I hupe-a yuoo injuy yuoor stey here-a. Iff zeere-a is unytheeng yuoo need pleese-a joost esk, und I veell indefuoor tu help iff I cun.I used tu be-a a cheff in svedee su iff yuoor deeetry needs ere-a nut beeeng met pleese-a let me-a knoo. Bork Bork Bork!"
Well, we is going to have dinner and then we is going to have a look round Austria.
Love Gordiexxx
# posted by gilly : 1:46 PM
Sunday, January 25, 2004
Hello everyone, and a special hello to BOB!!!!!
It is now a few days since we be coming to spain, we has seen tons of things, drunken mice, and dancing horses, and I even nearly got it up da jacksie by a bull, Nigel tried to shags a horse, and well we has drunk lots of sherry and danced wid flamingoes.
It is times for us to go now, we is on our way to Austria,sound of music country, Tony, is well excited and a bits nervous cos he is telling me he has had relations with someone there when he was on vacashun in Austria before, and so he is hoping he is going to find her again.
love Gordie xx
# posted by gilly : 1:29 PM
Thursday, January 22, 2004
Our hosts is brilliant, we is having a whale of a time, we has drinked sherry til it is coming from our humps, and we has been seeing the culcher of da town. Jerez is wicked man.
Today we has been to this place, like a horse riding place you knows. It is being called The Royal Andalusian School of Equestrian Art in Jerez de la Frontera
Dem horses is mighty fine man they is very clean and is doing dancing and things, and trotting and everything man, and I has not seen one bit of chit on the floor.
It is saying dat millions of peoples is going to see dem, so I is thinking it is going to be busy and filled of lots of skirt, but
I is not seeing millions of people there, I is thinking they was exagerating, but cuz there isnt many peoples there today, we and the main men were able to have a good view. I is looking t Nigel, who is gazing man, he is well staring at some piece of stuff, he is even not listening when I ask if he is wanting a beer.
So I is giving him an elbow in the ribs, hey man wot you is looking at? I is aksing him. He points over to da arena, she is gorgeous he whispers, man I is wishing I had her number, I cans see me giving her one, he says. The totty wid da dark hair and orange scarf thingy? I is aksing him. Nigel gived me a filthy look, Fek off he is saying, do I looks blind to you, I is meaning that blonde one, wid the camp guy in uniform on her back, fool! he is telling me.
Well I is not knowing what has got into my boys since we have been on tour. I is sure of one thing tho.. I is thinking the blonde totty has got no phone number.
Love Gordie xxx
# posted by gilly : 4:53 PM
Wednesday, January 21, 2004
We has been on the road again,when we woz having fun in da bars and clubs the other night, we has been chatting to a group of spanish people. Well, see it is wicked man, cos dem has invited us to go to their home town wid dem and sample some of the delights down that way. Some of dem has got sisters also.They is living in a place called JEREZ (sounds like hereth).
Jerez is not like Benidorm, I means by that it is not full of english people looking for egg and chips and a bacon sandwich, der is a lot more culture, so I is thinking the totty der will be more upmarket, you knows not the britpack on tour wid their skimpy neon pink lycra tops and miniskirts dat look like belts, and all their flesh screaming to fall out of any seam thats sewn.
I is looking forward to spending time in Jerez, I has been told it is where all da sherry in da world is made man, it is wicked. So next christmas when you is getting your elderly aunt a bottle of harveys bristol cream you is knowing where it is from.
I used to be thinking sherry was an old dears drink, but I is thinking my eyes are going to be opened.Everyone drinks sherry, and not only da humans, in Jerez they is treating their animals and vermin kind, nots like how some of da bulls is treated, look at dis picture man, it is wickeds.
Dees ickle mices lives in da sherry cellars, I is thinking treated to sherry an cheese they is not going to be wanting to go live any where else. Would you? Is it so dat when da mices is drunk they is wobbling and easier to catch and den get rids of them? Maybe dat is why dem gets to drink sherry. Well no it is a much nicer reason, da mices gets to have their own sherry man, so dats they is not messing with the stuff that they is going to sell.
It is time to have a bit of a nap now after da travelling, but I is sure I will have lots to be telling you about Jerez and Gordies Boys on Tour.
LoveGordiexx
# posted by gilly : 12:29 PM
Tuesday, January 20, 2004
I is just been out on the town with my boys, we woz having a wild time. I is thinking I pulled some totty, she was making eyes at me as soon as we got into the bar, letting her tongue just tease between her lips, doing sexy moves and things. I is thinking go Gordie, you has it in the bag tonight man.
She is moving closer, and then sitting with me, we is talking, well she is talking, sexy she is, I is watching her mouth, bright red lipstick, and imagining it doing things.
Sheis telling me alsorts, telling me she fancies me, and how sexy she thinks I is. I already knows this, but it is nice to be told.
Anyways as she is telling me, I am thinking of all the things I could do with her. I isn't really listening to what she says, until she starts telling me about some guy who picked her up in this bar last week.
She tells me how they chatted, how attentive he was, how he listened to everything she said, how he never stopped looking at her face, and then how he asked her back to his apartment. I is thinking she is going to talk dirty to me, so my ears prick up listening. She goes on, telling me how she went into his bedroom, as she looked around she saw heaps of soft toys, teddy bears and cute cuddly animals, all over his room, down by the floor were some smaller ones, around the middle of the room, was a shelf with some medium sized ones, and higher up, as if pride of place a shelf running round with great big ones. She thought it was unusual, but thought it to be another sign of his soft caring, considerate nature, and this pleased her a great deal,it turned her on more and more, and she couldn't wait to get it on with this new man. So not mentioning the bears, they get it together, bumping, grinding, huffing , puffing,sweating and the rest. They continued for a short time, and then he lay his head on the pillow, she leaned up, looking at him, stroking his hair from his face, as he started to light a cigarette, she whispered, "how was it", he looked at herand said
"Choose any prize from the bottom shelf" I is glad I was listening, she must not be a good shag, and I is glad when she says she has a headache and has to go home.I is kissing her cheek and saying goodnight
Thinking I is having a lucky escape.
Love Gordiexxx
# posted by gilly : 12:49 AM
Monday, January 19, 2004
A Load of Cock And Bull I is feeling better and has been eating and keeping it in, well I is not meaning I is constipated, that would just be tuff chit, but wot I is meaning is my constitution is back to normal.
I has been thinking a lot over the past few days, becoz , lets face it between trips to the lavvie I has not had much else to do. I has been thinking that Spain is a beautiful country, it is having many beautiful people, and things to see and do.... but like probably all other places it has an ugly side. I is going to explore this side a little before I sets about enjoying the beauties of spain.
To do this, may be a little controversial, and so I is putting on a disguise, so I is able to check it out more easily.
Bullfighting....."However you may feel about this controversial sport, it remains very much a part of Spanish life."
"Bullfighting as we know it today, started in the village squares, and became formalised, with the building of the bullring in Ronda in the late 18th century. From that time, it began to follow a particular sequence of events: the entrance of the bull, the picador, the banderilleros, and finally the matador (bullfighter). Many of the picadors' horses were injured in the early days, so these heavy horses now wear protection."
These quotes were taken from the net from sites about spanish culture and bullfighting.
You will see that one says this controversial sport, I think, personally that it is not sport, in the same way that fox hunting in this country is not sport, both are indefensible types of animal abuse. Some would say the bullfighters are skilled, and brave, and that they may be, but at what cost and at what, skilled in abuse and torture? It is true not everyone is of the same opinion, many defend it and support it, and many make money from such cruelty, in reading about this online, I came across this link, showing that it is not only those who take part, spectate and are directly involved who promote the sport, but this shows how other commercial companies also take part in its promotion.
I have seen some pretty gruesome things regarding bullfighting in my time, and this morning whilst I have been looking to see what has been written online about it, the above link is probably one of the worst things I have seen.
If you want to look at more on bullfighting and animal cruelty in general and see what you can do to act against it click here
I do not profess to know all of the arguments and history used to defend bullfighting, all I know is it is cruel, animals are tortured, hurt, killed, for some sort of entertainment, in my view this can never be right, and I fail to see how it can ever be condoned. I is not going to go on about dis any more, I is hoping I has given you something to think about, but I has to get myself out of this disguise , and quickly, I has had bulls sniffing my bum and making eyes at me, itis perhaps not the best disguise I could have worn.
Click here for a few wise quotes.
I is going back to da otel Tapas now, and meeting da boys, for a few coronas and a glass of sherry, before getting all spruced up and meeting some girlies in town.
Love Gordie xxxx
# posted by gilly : 12:38 PM
Saturday, January 17, 2004
urghhhhhhhhhhhh.Well we have arrived in benidorm for the first stop in the Spanish leg of our vacashun, after settling into the otel Tapas, me and the bots were ravenous and went out for some paella and a few sangrias. it was late and so we is all going back to the otel for a good sleep, and to get over the jet lag that was catching up with us.
In the early hours of the night, I had some unwelcome visitors, who kept me awake most of da night, it was like a gang of tourists had crawled up my bum and died, the smell was nasty, and my stomach was cramping like a mamma.
I has been running back and forward to da lavie since then.I is newrly having accidents, when I is farting and almost following through, the smell is rancid, and what is dis toilet tissue that is more like tracing paper, it is tearing my delicate bits up a treat. No sooner is i getting back into bed, that I is having to run back to the toilet. I must have had a dodgy mussel in my paella.
I has not been eating and drinking since then, and has lost loads of weight and got me all dehydratified.
My boys is having a whale of a time, they is been dancing with
flamingoes or something they is telling me.
I is not being able to write much today, because all I has been doing is pooing and throwing up. I is hoping tomorrow I will be able to put on my snazzy clothes and go out.
love Gordiexxx
# posted by gilly : 8:36 PM
Thursday, January 15, 2004
Well Roger finally emerged and came back to the otel Baguette, he looked well worn out man, and was walking like he has been riding donkeys for a week, bare back. He is looking very happy though, and talking about coming back to paris soon. Well today is our last day in paris. We has all got packed and ready to leave, for the airport. Next stop viva espania.
Well the taxi pulls up and it is a little late, so there is no time to argue and gets them to send a bigger cab, when we realise we can't all fits in this one. This turns out to be like something off fawlty towers or summin, we is squishing humps into spaces we never thought they would fit. As you is seeing, my seat in the cab, was not the most comfy ride I has ever had. Fortunately the airport isn't too far away, buts you is knowing cab drivers know tourists on vacashun mean extra money, and they is taking the long way round.
Tune in for postcards from Spain.
Love Gordie xxx
p.s. I has been receiving lots of dem e mail type things from peoples asking for advice. It seems that some peoples think I has the low down on pulling totty and keeping totty, and love and relationships and things like that. So I is thinking that when I is having some time, I will answer some of these letters online, cos I is thinking they may be helpful for other peoples too.
# posted by gilly : 11:01 PM
Wednesday, January 14, 2004
Well I has been living it up in paris with da boys, and so we has been spending lots of cash. This means the Euros have been running a little bit low.
I has been doing a lot of busking, knocking out those top tunes, like on pop idol, or stars in your eyes. I is a good david gray.
Roger still hasn't been seen after spending the night with the totty he met at LeBar. I is hoping he is ok, by now the totty's five o'clock shadow must be a goatee.
it is a bit like covent garden here at the moment, lots of street entertainers, and some peoples drawing on the pavement.
Its like posh grafitti, but brilliant stuff, its a pity people will walk on the pictures.
have a look they is wicked man.
(these pavement drawings are not really done, in france, well actually I don't know where they were done, but I think they are pretty damn good, and wanted to show you them.)
# posted by gilly : 2:50 PM
Monday, January 12, 2004
Bonjour again, well it is not really bonjour becoz it is night time, here in Paris. We has had our dinner and a nap, and now we has got our good clothes on to go sample da nightlife an' maybe we will pull some totty and get a snog. I is thinking that all the girls in paree is looking nice, so we is ought to be lucky. We is squirting cologne and aftershave all over, splashing it on and smelling nice. I thinks we looks the dogs bollox, so any girls that is not fancying us is a nun or needs their head testing.
Outside da otel Baguette, we flags down a taxi, and all squashes in, and sets off to the night lights in the city.
I is well excited man.
This is the night, I is gonna pull some sexy, young looking european girl, I is practicing my line "Voulez vous couchez avec moi, ce soir". I has heard it in a song, and it is sounded dead sexy.
We pile outta da taxi here, and it looks well posh, gonna be some top totty here, so we gets upto the door and sees a poster, and some girls inside.They is minging man, they is not our type.
Well really they is not minging, but they is wearing silly clothes that is going to get in the way of anything. So we decide to give it a miss, and go somewhere else.
We find a club called
Le Bar We is thinking this is the place to be. Everyone is friendly, the guys is all chatting to us like we is long lost buddies, and is buying us drinks at the bar. Roger, has pulled already, some mighty fine looking totty, apart from her five o'clock shadow, which is a bit strange. She is well tall though about 6foot and then she is wearing big stilletoes, and she has massive feet and hands.She is stroking Rogers cheek and whispering something to him, and they set off to a quiet corner.
We has a few drinks then have a wander round da place, it is very friendly, and cosmopolitan, da guys are realy friendly, dancing with each other, and they is all doing that french greeting and kissing each others cheeks and things.The atmosphere is great.
I sees a lovely totty sitting by herself, and so I goes and sits by her, and is chatting, she is a bit shy, and keeps looking away and smiling at her mate in da checked shirt. I is asking her, if it is true that all da ladies in france is shaving their minges, becuz, I am not being rude, but I is hearing lots of people saying bad things about Bush, and out with Bush and things like that.
I put my hand onto her leg, but she pushes it off. She is shy,I knows it.I try again, and she gets a bit cross , and tells me keep my hands to myself. "is it becos I is a camel, you don't fancy me" I asks. "Non", she says "Its because I am a lesbian and zis is a gay bar." she says, and gets up , and goes and drapes herself over da totty in da checked shirt, and they is laughing.
We didn't pull any totty that night, except for Roger, who pulled the totty with the ever increasing five o'clock shadow. Even so, we stayed til the end, and danced the night away to top tunes like abba dancing queen, voulez vous, some erasure, gloria gaynor I will survive and other club classics. We had a wicked night.
Love Gordie xxx
# posted by gilly : 10:07 AM
Sunday, January 11, 2004
oo la la mes amis So we is in gay Pareee. I don't know if it is gay or owt, but it is nice. My main man Duncan, had been smoking all dat herbal stuff yesterday and so was thinking every one was staring at him, and so he is almost getting us into a fight with some people. I think the fashun is a little bit different here, I seen lots of berets and striped jumpers and some necklaces made out of dem smelly onions. Buts all those people were talking with very good english, so maybe they are some tourists on vacashun, and just trying to get some culchure. You know what I mean?
Well Martin was asleep when we gets into the city centre, and he is waking up and shouting whoooooooo hoooooooo Blackpool, he thinks we is in Blackpool, and looks a bit disappointed when he finds out we're not. I thinks its the tower that confused him.
We drop our luggage off at the otel Baguette, and then sets of on da metro in search of some culchur.I has read in a guide book and on that internet thingy that paris is good for artists and trendy people, and that it is cosmopolitan or something.
I feel a little under dressed and want to do some of the culchrel think so I looks for a hat stand for me and my boys, we all buys a beret, and a moustache and now we is feeling proper french, and now we just is blending in with everyone else.First stop is the popadom centerWe has lots of pictures taken outside. I think it is a big restaurant place and is hoping I can get a red hot vindaloo and a few lagers for me and the lads. I think it is a bit like the Taj Mahal, take away and restaurant down the high street, but I thinks they havent finished it off yet, it looks like it has got all da scaffolding still outside it. I am thinking that might be dangerous.We gets in then and goes up the most humungous escalator you has ever seen, right to the top. I cantz smell no curries or popadoms yet. Well We gets off the escalator and walks round the corner.
Shocked and stunned I am, the nearest we is getting to food is this picture thing. Theres all sorts of things here, some is art, looking like dem painting by numbers things, some is just like paint splodges, I is hoping noone has been painting with bodily fluids, that will putz me right off my vindaloo. We spend hours going round trying to find the popodom seller, but we has no luck. Martin, is still a tad paranoid, and spent ages trying to stop an inflated horse and flying sheep looking at him. They were staring he said.
I thoughts that was the right time to go get some frsh air in us lungs, and look for some food. Norman is getting all excited cos he thinks the waitress will be having one of those french maid outfits on. Its about time we be seeing something french he says. We is all piling into the cafe, and having some of da wine, served by our waiter Pierre.... he is not wearing a french maid outfit. Roger seems disappointed, after all we is in gay paree.
love Gordie xxx please call back, to hear about our night in Paris, or maybe we will set of elsewhere on our travels.
# posted by gilly : 5:04 PM
Saturday, January 10, 2004
me looking for a postcard for youHello all, respect
We arrived safely in amsterdam. Da weatha is just wicked. At least it is not rainin. We're stayin in a place called da Hemp otel. Da brochure says yous can smoke and rolled erbal remedy by candlelight on kashmiri pillows and persian rugs. Is all dat amsterdamish thun? Da otel is in a wicked spot. Quillions of fings appenin locally. yous can play bingo in a stylish gay bar. we tried to do dis, we're not gay or owt,but my mate Gilly is, so we was doing it for her. We thought it would be a laugh, but we couldn't check it iddun amongst da leatha bars in da red light district.
Later maurice went into dis shop and bought some glow in da dark rubbers. Afta a few drinks he starts to blow them up and fings. He put one ova is ead and blew it up from da inside. Da bar seemed to close quickly thun and we were on da street checkin fa somethin else to do. Me don't ave a clue why he wanted glow in da dark rubbers. maybe its so da girlies can check is weenie.
We decide to catch da tram and go down furtha into a seedy bit of turf. Some of da main mans think dey will check some totty down there. We goes thro lots of places and see lots of those historical buildings. Thems look old to me.
We goes past lots of coffee shops, but they seem to sell things like cigarettes too.Backs in the uk you get sneered at fer smerkin in a cafe.
So it is getting to be evening and lots of girls are out, but some of thems are still inside, in da windows, waving at us, and looks like asking for some change, they is waving at us. Maurice is well happy, and grinning from ear to ear. Norman can't control himself and has a stiffy, they is well sexy man, short skirts and even showing some flesh. The is smiling at us like they really fancy us.Theres not many girlies out on the street though, seems to be lots of guys. Anyways we head for a bar and have a few drinks, and smoke some herbal remedy.Then we has to head back to da Hemp otel, cos tomorrow we are going to gay Paris, oolala.
I haven't gots no kashmiri cushions and sheets or persian rugs in my room, just some nylon sheets with bobbles on an some curious stains on the duvet. I is not sure whats happenings here.
Love Gordie xxxAmsterdam Guide
Hip Gude to amsterdam
# posted by gilly : 11:42 AM
Friday, January 09, 2004
I WON'T EVER DRINK AGAIN
wot a night it was last night, we did ave a lock in at a booza, and ended up drinkin quillions and quillions. some top totty was chattin me up, and i think we did a kylie and jason numba on da karaoke.I ave some vague recollection of kneelin by da bog fa some time afta we got back to da otel, but i don't rememba ow we got back, na where da totty went to.But just check at me dis mornin. I look well rough. So today me and da main men is goin to check at da turf, maybe trafalgar square, buckingham palace, towa bridge. there is quillions of wicked lookin tourist girlies about. If I can make myself check respectable I might get a snog. Then later today we is all getting ready to go to the Dam, you knows it Amsterdam, I heards theres lots of weed there, I is thinking they should pull der fingers outta da dykes and get a gardener or sometin cos weeds can look a bit messy iffin you is wanting to look posh for visitors. I means like, if I want to vacashun in some weeds I wudz go somewhere like a park or sometin wudn I? You knows what I is saying?
We didn't take pitchurs in lundun, but you can see what we saw by clicking the links
Trafalgar Square
London Eye
soho love Gordie xxx
# posted by gilly : 11:31 PM
Thursday, January 08, 2004
Hello maties
So I arrive in Lundin all safe and sound like, and meets up with my mates. Checkin' da time we reulize its opening time, so we all do the how many camels can you get in a black cab thing and head off to Walford, Albert Square to be precise.
It's looking a but desurtid buts we are thinking everyone be in the Queen Vic, and thats where we go.
Everybody was like looking at us when we got in, you know hows they do when you go in a local boozer and you're not one of the locals. So we decidud to keeps a low profile for a bit.
I goes to the bar and asks if I can have a pint of lager and a packet of crisps, an' that Alfie Moon geezer says "no mate", so I asks then if I can have a gin and tonic, and that Alfie Moon geezer says, "No mate". So I is getting a bit agitated now, and I says " Is it because I is a camel thats I can't get a drink?" and the Alfie Moon geezer says" No mate, its cuz this is not a real pub, its a television set". Well we laughed our socks off. I had been all ready to give him a good chinning, cos I thoughts he was being a bit nasty and camelist refusing to serve me.
It seems word got round that we woz in the square and all the regulars came to see us . They must have heard about me. So everyones asking for autographs and wanting their pitchurs taking with me and the lads. Here are some of the better ones.
us wiv alfie moon geezer
us with dot cotton
pat butcher trying to get in on the akshun We had a wild time, and might even gets to appear in one of the episodes, so watch out for me and my mates.
love Gordie xxx
Eastenders Link
Walford Webcam
Black cab link
Ali G link
# posted by gilly : 6:41 PM
This is me in bed. Hello my name is Gordon, if you hadn't already guessed.On this page I will tell you a lil bit bout me and other camel related issues. I believe its bout time there was more space online for camels.This web is big enuff for all of us. Innit?
Its not all sand, sun and bucket and spades you know. Camel's, like myself lead an exciting life, full and active, and generally very fulfilling.
I am about to set of on vacashun to see my mates. We're gonna do a whistle stop tour of many places. Catch some rays, chase some talent, wine, dine and be merry, and maybe even try our little camel toes at a spot of extreme sports.
I think that be all I need, got my trunks, my pulling gear, spare bag for duty frees,better not be forgetting my flip flops, or should I just buy some there. Jar of coffee mate and some pg tips tea bags.That should be it.
Time to give my old muckers a ring, and catch a taxi to the city. We're meeting up for a night or two in ye olde Lundun city.Might pop in the Queen Vic for a pint o' lager and a packet of crisps, or maybe pork scratchings.
Well you keep checking back then, I will send you postcards and souvenirs from my vacashun destinashuns.
love Gordie xxx
# posted by gilly : 12:23 PM
